being young and normal, not scared
Sometimes I am scared.
I’m scared of the fact that I’ll feel my youth fading like roses in winter. I’m scared of not turning some of my dreams into reality. I’m scared I’ll wake up one morning and I’ll be 40 with 2 kids and a stranger layin’ in my bed, wondering where’d all the time go. I’m scared I’ll wake up one morning and I’ll be 40 with expectations I couldn’t meet. I’m scared I’ll wake up too late. I’m scared I’ll never wake up.
What if I don’t take the right path? What if I have unrealistic fantasies? What if I’ll never meet the love of my life? What if I don’t have what I need in order to feel complete? What if I lack of skills for my dream career? What if I become someone I hate?
Dear future self, sorry I couldn’t always be your teenage dream. I tried so hard, but I just fell into worn book pages and uncertainty. Then I tried to live 2 years of desires in one and ended up in burnout. That was my sign to stop running after the time. It’s moving too fast and I almost fell a few times, trying to catch it and beg for more. I wanted to ask him to slow down a little, I couldn’t keep up with everybody, not even with my mind.
Life is not a marathon.
I said I was scared of becoming someone I despise. Alright. But what if I become someone I love? Maybe the secret of life is to stop wondering and start living. In 2 years we’ll look back to this day and wonder why we didn’t take a walk with our dog instead of worrying about something we can’t control. And worrying about the future is a sign that we are sane, but obsessing over it brings the opposite.
We can’t control the future despite all of our efforts. We can plan, dream, and take action, but there will always be something beyond our power.
And that’s okay. Maybe the unpredictability of life is exactly what makes it more beautiful. A predictable life would be boring, wouldn’t it? Sometimes it’s more about the road and the experience. It’s about the people we meet and connect with. It’s about the lessons we learn. It’s about discovering what we really want. It’s about discovering who we are.
And I guess it’s normal to be young and scared, but I wouldn’t categorize it like that now. I think we’re just young because being scared comes with youth most of the time. It’s normal to be a little scared in this society.
Yes, our hair will turn into shades of gray while the years fade away but it’s just the process of growing up and getting old, isn’t it?
My grandmother used to say that gray hair means that someone lived a happy life and every gray hair strand is just a happy memory someone experienced. Their body chose to keep track of those memories through hair. So think of gray hair as a life lived to the fullest, and not as fading youth.
Thank you for reading ❤
